This morning I went to Church and after service they had communion, but I had felt very hesitant about taking it. Jesus said “…this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.”(Matthew 26:28) God’s blood as the price for my sins is a big deal, and it’s something I felt like I’ve taken too lightly. Should taking communion be normal or casual? Should we alway take communion? I don’t have an answer, but today I felt like I should consider if my heart was in a place where I’m actually repentant for my sins, and feel genuine remorse for my transgressions against God before I nail him to a cross for the X-teenth time. To be honest I didn’t think I deserved to take communion. I’ve taken it before and asked God to change me and said that I will try to be better, but I never become better. I felt like I was abusing God’s gracious death. Then something came across my mind. God reigns from eternity, and that means he sees the past and the future all at the same time. As humans we forget over time and things lose their sting after a while. If someone offends you or hurts your feelings, after a while it becomes not as big of a deal because it fades into the past, but it can’t be like that with God. God is too big, there is nothing that fades from His sight. Every thing you’ve ever done or ever will do to sin against Him is continuously in His direct sight because all past and future exist now for God. I might be way off base but this seems to make biblical sense to me. This is why we can’t stand in His presence, all our sin is fresh and current in His eyes. However, that means that when Jesus went to the cross He knew full well all that we would do, it was in full view of Him as God. He still went to the cross seeing all the horrors we would do. He went to the cross BECAUSE He could see all the horrors we would do. This mean we don’t need to have shame in asking for forgiveness, or feel guilt for relying on God’s strength instead of our own, or feel bad for accepting communion as Jesus’s blood and body for sin. It is prideful to think that we can make it without God. When I read the bible I see people falling on their face, literally on their face, in sorrow and anguish. I see people tearing their clothes in grief. People show God their pain and brokenness, because they know He already sees it. I think as American’s the greatest sin we suffer from as a country may not be greed, or abortion, or homosexuality, though those things do grieve God. I think, and it’s just my own thought, that we severely suffer from pride. We think we can be good enough. We think we get to define marriage. We think we deserve our wealth. We think we control and define life. We hold in our sorrows instead of accepting our short comings. Living on a Christian campus at SPU I follow along with everyone else as I pretend I’ve got my life together. It’s a little funny. The Christians are the ones who are pretending to be perfect, when the whole point of following Christ is that we realize we’re screwed on our own. I ended up taking communion today because I realized the reason I take it isn’t to show I’m part of the group that’s got it together. I take it because I’m in the hands of a God who holds it all together.