It hurts. It’s like a poison gas released in the air. I can’t get a grasp on it as it floats around me burning down into my core. The clarity of hindsight stings as small words and subtle motions click together in my mind. You were right when you said we would be crushed when you fell if your name was anywhere on our foundation. Did you know you would soon fall? Oh how I so dearly wish you were wrong, just this one time. What we were taught was so sharp and strong, how could you be so dull and weak?
The one lesson you have taught us flawlessly is that the human heart really is deeply depraved and that Christ truly is the only solid foundation. That is a painful lesson I will never forget, though I may try.
Our hearts are bleeding. Our anger is flowing. Our minds are spinning. Our souls are weeping. But we will stand together. Our body is made of many parts and even if a portion is broken and removed, it is still one body and Jesus Christ is still our head.
Into the wilderness you have thrust us, to face the devil. Into exile you have driven us, to be a broken people. However, we will survive because we worship the Lord our God, and serve him only; and we know that our Lord’s plans are to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future.
We loved you. We were your friends. We invested into your life. We listened to your wisdom. Did you not really love us? Were we not your friends? Did you only invest in us for a paycheck? Was your wisdom simply your degrees dumped on us, rather than your heart poured into us? Who are you, where are you, what are you, how can you, why would you?
You should know how it feels to be abandoned by a father. The betrayal you’ve handed us is not completely unfamiliar to you, is it. However, you do not have to be Judas. Be Peter. This betrayal has forever changed things, but it does not have to result in your death to our community. Repent, turn around, run in the opposite direction, run home. Your selfishness has a wide sphere of influence that permeates deep into the hearts of many. This is not an etch a sketch, this doodle cannot be undid, but future lines can be redirected.
Although you were a titan in our eyes, you have fallen. We held you so high and you fell so far. Hope will not fail though, it will not be crushed, because it is built on Jesus. Faith will not fade, it will not crumble, because Jesus is the one who provides it. Joy will not whither, it will not crack, because it springs forth from Jesus. Love will not sink, it will not break, because it is God’s weapon of choice.
“If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were rising against me, I could hide. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship at the house of God, as we walked about among the worshipers.” (Psalms 55:12-14)
When will I wake up from this horrible dream.