I turn 32 today. This birthday feels more sentimental than others have. It comes weeks after the death of my grandpa at nearly 96 years old and the birth of my son. I feel the gravity of celebrating my own birth and life a bit more today.

From a very early age, I remember wondering what the purpose of life is. My reflections were partly about vocation—what is the purpose and calling of MY life? And also partly about the larger question of a life’s meaning—why are we here and what is this all about? I think my pondering was, and is, a mix of an innately sensitive temperament and probably an effort to make sense of some very chaotic and painful childhood experiences.

Writing about aging, Quaker author Parker Palmer reflects on a poem by Polish poet Czeslaw Milosz. The poem reads:

Love means to learn to look at yourself
The way one looks at distant things
For you are only one thing among many.
And whoever sees that way heals his heart,
Without knowing it, from various ills—
A bird and a tree say to him: Friend.

Then he wants to use himself and things
So that they stand in the glow of ripeness.
It doesn’t matter whether he knows what he serves:
Who serves best doesn’t always understand.

Parker reflects, “As I read and reread it, I began to see the brooding on the question ‘Does my life have meaning?’ is a road to nowhere. Whether I give myself a thumbs-up or a thumbs-down, there’s a flaw at the heart of the question, a flaw created by my old nemesis, the overweening ego.” He goes on to say, “At the moment, I rest easy with the notion that I don’t need to ask or answer the question ‘Does my life have meaning?’ All I need to do is to keep living as one among many as well as I can, hoping to help myself and others grow ripe with life and love as we stand under the sun.”

I agree with Parker. I think the moments of our lives are like notes played on an instrument. Some are high and some are low. Any individual moment taken in isolation may resonate in a pleasant or unpleasant key, but it’s only when the moments are strung together that their simplicity creates something more nuanced. Notes strung together make music. After hearing a good piece of music, it would seem odd to ask what the purpose of the song is. Its “purpose” is simply to be beautiful and delightful. In much the same way, I think the purpose of moments strung together into a life is to be beautiful and delightful.

Another book I read this year that really resonated with me was The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness. The book is an attempt to distill the 80+ years of the Harvard Study of Adult Development into practical ways to live a rich life. The essence of the book is that good relationships keep us healthier and happier. Throughout much of the book, the authors emphasize the importance of attention in maintaining good relationships. An extended quote that resonated with me said:

“How do you move further along on your own path toward a good life? First, by recognizing that the good life is not a destination. It is the path itself, and the people who are walking it with you. As you walk, second by second you can decide to whom and to what you give your attention. Week by week you can prioritize your relationships and choose to be with the people who matter. Year by year you can find purpose and meaning through the lives that you enrich and the relationships that you cultivate. By developing your curiosity and reaching out to others—family, loved ones, coworkers, friends, acquaintances, even strangers—with one thoughtful question at a time, one moment of devoted, authentic attention at a time, you strengthen the foundation of a good life.”

The past two weeks with my son have gone by quickly. It’s an odd sensation knowing that I’m living through some of the most precious moments of my life while being absolutely incapable of holding onto them. All I can do is give my attention and take delight in each passing moment. I recall a passage Lao Tzu wrote in the Tao Te Ching that says:

“If you realize that all things change,
There is nothing you will try to hold on to.
If you aren’t afraid of dying,
there is nothing you can’t achieve.

Trying to control the future
is like trying to take the master carpenter’s place.
When you handle the master carpenter’s tools
chances are that you’ll cut yourself.”

I think the “road to nowhere” and overweening ego Parker Palmer references are some of those cuts Lao Tzu is referencing. If my attention is caught up pondering the meaning of life, my attention is not going toward the meaningful moments of life. The authors of the Good Life offer a better question to orient us toward the fullness of life. In moments of both delight and sorrow, ask: What’s here that I’ve never noticed before?

Despite 32 full years of life, there is still so much here I’ve never noticed before. Some of it is precious and some of it is painful, but all of it is life. Today I celebrate all of it. I’m grateful for the nearly 32 years I got to know my grandpa and the few years Hyojin got to know him. I’m grateful for lessons in love, lament, and loss I’ve gleaned from my tangled relationship with my parents. I’m grateful for every precious moment I can attend to my son. And I’m grateful for however many more years I have to grow ripe with life and love as we stand under the sun.